Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize