I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
