I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
