Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
