i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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