Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
