I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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