I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
