spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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