She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
