ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
