I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
