I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
