cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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