When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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