dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
