It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
