he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
