you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
