Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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