Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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