I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
