For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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