Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
