I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
