it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
