I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
