so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
