Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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