my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
