I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize