You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
