I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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