He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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