I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
