the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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