And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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