I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
