my sisters under your porch take her home
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
