That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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