someone threw a dead crab at me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
