I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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