I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
