Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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