): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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