i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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