Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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