Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well you can't waste a boner
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
