I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
