I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
