I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
