Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
