My balls are so social today.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
