Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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