At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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